Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I intend to get homeless drunk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
