Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
