I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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