WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
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the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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