kristin has been a bad kristin
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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