My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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