Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
