You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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