Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
