woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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