She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
