Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
