Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
