he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And then he peed in my hair
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