He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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