We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
