Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
home. puking in laundry basket.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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