did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You don't make any sense
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