he wants to bone in the snuggie
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids