at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
