So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the liver wants what the liver wants
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?