I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO