JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
