Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?