just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is my gift to your gina
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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