Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
