The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
