it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
