I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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