I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
