So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
