I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize