Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
