he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
