his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
