I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
