Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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