So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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