Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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