Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
