i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize
