Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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