um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
