tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
