Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
