the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
