i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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