i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Houston, we have a blender
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
