white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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