My first STD was from a foam party
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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