ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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