I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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