first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you traded sex for a burrito?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
