I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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