Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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