I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
