I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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