Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
