Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
