it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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