did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize