I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Randomize
