he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
