Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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