he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
