I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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