apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
