A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i think my mom watched the whole time
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just found puke in my bra..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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