There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
this hospital has no fireball
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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