walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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